


To be brave

by ExceptForBunnies



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, POV Third Person Limited, POV Xander, Post-Chosen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2015-03-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 11:03:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3567272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExceptForBunnies/pseuds/ExceptForBunnies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know, being the slayer, the chosen one for so long, I’m not wild about destiny”, she said. “But I realized lately that there are moments that define us whether we are aware of it or not. And when we pay attention to those moments, we get a chance. At life. We just have to be brave.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	To be brave

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write about Buffy and Willow post-chosen for quite some time, because of those final minutes of “Same time, same place”. I'm a tad bit surprised at what I came up with but here we go. English is not my first language. I apologize for any inconvenience caused by horrific phrasing and such.

It was over. No Sunnydale left. A hellmouth less. There were slayers now, plural.

Everything had changed, at least everything he used to know.

He wondered why it suddenly hurt that Anya wasn't there anymore.

The first weeks he had missed her. Terribly. How she appeared all of a sudden at the construction site.

  
“Just so you know: I still hate you.”

  
How she looked small and sad at the frat house after Halfrek had died. How familiar she felt the night before the battle.

But he had missed all of his old life. Getting to work, getting the job done, the Summers' house, all those girls tumbling over each other, fighting over bathroom time. Anya was part of that, part of all that was missing. It fit.

Giles and Dawn went to England to set up a training camp for the new slayers. Faith and Robin, still hellmouth-bound, got to Cleveland. Kennedy and Willow moved to San Francisco. Willow buried herself among books at university, Kennedy fought bad guys in dark alleys. It wasn't a problem, Willow said.

“There are the hours in the morning when she comes home and I haven't left yet.” She didn't blush. He tried not to picture those moments. Things had changed, indeed.

Buffy and he had followed them to the city. They were the ones with no purpose. Buffy didn't seem to mind. There was funding for Sunnydale exiles, especially generous ones for students. She enrolled in classes but rarely attended. Took long walks along the sea, left and came back, always with a smile, subtle and confident. That smile she'd found when everything they'd known was truly over.

He found a job as a construction worker again and it felt good to be out in the sun, building something with his own hands. That was when the hurting started. When he realized there were parts of his old life that still belonged to him. That he was free to choose what to hold on to. Unlike Anya. Sometimes he saw her in a stranger's face and could breathe no longer.

He told Buffy as much when they sat on their small balcony one night. It was late spring but already too hot to sleep. They still hadn't gotten into the habit of it, anyway. Buffy didn't say anything but she reached across the table and took his hand for a moment. She had always been quiet since Willow brought her back, except when she was babbling.

Later that week they had dinner at Willow's place. Kennedy wasn't there.

  
“She left for England yesterday”, Willow said. “Giles needs her.”

  
They looked at her.

  
“I mean, I know, he needs all of us, really, but would never ask, at least, not now, not for some time, when we finally ...” She broke of.

  
“She wanted to be there, you know. Badly. She feels that she belongs with the other slayers."

  
“And you?” Buffy asked.

There was something in her voice Xander couldn't quite place. He saw Willow looking sharply at her, too 

  
“I'm good where I am now. College, books, you guys. No magic.”

Then, hesitantly, to Buffy: “And you?”

  
Buffy shrugged. “The same, I guess. Not that much studying, lots of walking, you guys. No slaying.”

They talked of England then and how Dawn complained about the rain. Could it really be that bad? When they went home Willow and Buffy didn't embrace. Xander wondered what he was missing.

* * *

Buffy stopped walking and started running then. She always wore the same white top and gray track pants for it, washed them every night. He found it strange, since she had what he felt were one million outfits. He teased her about it, but she just smiled.

“They remind me”, she said.

One time he caught her staring at herself in the mirror.

  
“You might be retired but you’re still beautiful”, he joked. “I can see it with my one and only eye.”

  
It got him a kiss on the cheek. He had meant it. That old high school crush was gone but he still held his breath sometimes when her beauty caught him off guard.

One morning, when he was about to leave for work the phone rang. She took it and listened.

  
“Yes, okay, that sounds nice”, he heard her saying.

Her voice betrayed little emotion. When he passed her on his way out, he saw she’d blushed. That evening he sat alone on the balcony.

“Please, don’t ask”, she said, when she joined him in the kitchen the next morning.

She looked as composed as ever. He knew her well though and he certainly knew her eyes.

  
“You’ve cried."

  
“Maybe a little, but you don’t need to worry.” She yawned and stretched.

  
“If it’s a vampire again, I’ll cry, too”, he said.

  
She slapped him on the arm and went to her room. He called Willow.

  
“Can you try and get it out of her?” he asked. “I’m worried."

  
Willow remained quiet. “Buffy’s not the biggest talker”, she said at last. “You know that, Xander.”

  
“Sometimes I think, you don’t care about her as you used to”, he said. He felt stupid that he was sad about it.

  
“It’s true, you know”, she said softly. “Things have changed.”

* * *

Weeks went by and they didn't see much of Willow. There were some exams coming along and she took them as seriously as expected. Buffy didn’t seem to care. Running had been replaced by those long walks again. Top and trousers lay neatly folded on a stool in her room. The room that was empty at some nights now. But they still had their evenings on the balcony.

One night, she shook her head and laughed a little.

  
“Since when am I funny guy?” he asked.

He had said nothing, tired from work and content at quietly sipping his beer.

  
“No, it’s me”, she said and laughed again. He was irritated until he realized he had forgotten how she sounded when she was happy.

  
“I wish you’d tell me”, he said. She drank from his beer.

  
“You know, being the slayer, the chosen one for so long, I’m not wild about destiny”, she said. “But I realized lately that there are moments that define us whether we are aware of it or not. And when we pay attention to those moments, we get a chance. At life. We just have to be brave.”

  
“Says the slayer who saved the world. A lot.”

  
“I didn't mean brave in fighting”, Buffy said. “Brave in loving.”

  
He stared at her.

  
“When we talked about Anya I realized that we owe her that. To be brave like she was.”

  
“She saved Andrew. I try not to hate him”, he said.

  
“She was never afraid of loving you”, Buffy said. “And I will tell you soon, I promise.”

  
He finished his beer with one long swallow.

* * *

 

One day, he went to look for Willow on campus. The sun was shining and he had coffee on his mind. He knew where she usually spend her lunch-time. He saw her from afar, sitting at a table, a book in front of her.

The hair cut a bit shorter, she looked still so young, he thought, and for a moment he was back with her at Sunnydale high, in the library, on the ground behind those shelves. The moment passed, and he raised his hand to wave and greet her as he saw a woman approaching the table. Blond hair in ponytail, slender and tanned. Willow looked up at her, and the blond woman laughed and kissed her.

He felt a smile coming to his face as he turned and walked away. Things had changed, indeed. One had to be brave though.


End file.
